Depression has hit me like a brick

I don't know what to do .

Sunday Bum Day

So I was asleep almost all day and i really didnt do anything at All . SO i dont know really what to tell you guys cause ...... my llife isnt even interesting sometimes . I literally woke up when my mom got home around 12:00 and had lunch . Then my mother and my brother went to my brothers soccer game around 1 something ad i just stayed around and was on tumblr and instagram for the longest time . I toyed around with my jewelry stuff but i didt get into it . I wanted to get tea around 4:10 so i decided to go to the gas station . Funny story, I dont know anyway to say this but....... I got mugged . I got punched in the face twice and someone tried to take my money but luckily i didnt have my wallet on me but he did take my cigerettes . Which i didnt mind ..... I would rather it be  that than my wallet ....... He hit , dug in my pocket and just ran . It was just the most uncombfertable thing in the world . I deffinatly consider my self a pasafist and i dont believe in voilence to settle any kind of dispute. So i kind of just let it happen but not cause i did squirm at one point. I at that point decided i didnt want tea anymore cause like, OW , my face hurts. I just retreated back home ad noticed that my moms car was parked but no one was home .... I was gone for nmore than 20 mins and she was gone. Just outtie , she left .... I called her. I called her 12 times and left 2 voicemails and she did not respond or call me . I was very upset i then sent her very angry text messages and we got into a fight . I could care less though like i have a really bad habit of thinking that everything i say is right so you couldnt even fight with me. Im to difficult sometimes , then i couldnt sleep ..... and i stayed up than crashed at 2:00 ......... what am i .

I wish it was last year again ,

When I still had stupid feelings for the kid who shit on my insides . I’ll never forget that summer, walking around in that small Benson neighborhood . I still have that feeling, I want it to be that time again . When things had less meaning . I want to listen to the music you suggested to me full volume . On the way to my home from your house . Now that you have been gone for so long, and its been forever . All I want to do is see you and have things be the same again. I just want your friendship, I promise that’s all I ask for . Ill be here ….. Ill stay here . You may not, but I never wanted it to be like this . The way it is, you half across town and me over here but needing your attention . Wanting to talk to you so badly and you hardly ever reply . I don’t want it to be like that, and it doesn’t have to be . Please just give me the time of day. I have this feeling about it all still, but I wont say anything . Remember when you would walk me to my car, and you would hug me goodbye . Remember when we used to sit in your bed close to each other for a long time then go outside in the backyard . Share the sunset, talk about ourselves, and our feelings. It was all flirtatious vibe to me but I guess I’m just wrong . I had this feeling inside of me and I   never want it to build inside me again because I just get hurt . I felt that I was  getting far, I felt …. .we were getting far . Back when I was obsessed with the moldy peaches and I hade a distasteful taste for screamo . There Is  a lot of things I would change . I loved you then , and yes I probably always will . I wish it would go away but it probably wont ….. ow well ……… I probably always will